As we all begin to figure out how to manage things in these *insert cliche phrase about the pandemic* times, one thing that I’ve been struggling with is my mental health.

Now, these are not new things I’ve been facing.  I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression, and ADHD throughout my life, even prior to getting a formal diagnosis.  This means I’ve developed a lot of not so good ways of managing the feelings these bring up, often times thinking it is helping (reader, they did not).

Through a mix of some life changes, medication, and therapy, I’ve gotten things into a pretty manageable place.  I don’t want to act like this was easy, it wasn’t.  And I don’t want to act like it’s something that you do and then voila, everything is ok.  It’s an on-going process.  Something, quite frankly, is something I deal with each and every day.

My goal with this something new is to start posting more regularly here on my blog about the various aspects of my own specific issues – to normalize talking about them, and also help give insights to others what it is like to deal with these chronic illnesses.

Not only will I give insights as to what my specific issues are – anxiety, depression, ADHD, and PMDD – but also how it manifests in me and impacts my daily life.  I hope that this will allow people to understand a bit more about me, and maybe learn some strategies for how to deal with stress and other pressures of their life, even if they aren’t to the level of a diagnosis.

Maybe that is what I’ll start with a bit here – diving into the idea that “everyone worries” or “everyone gets sad at times” and that mental health stuff isn’t real or serious.  Well, it is.  There’s a big difference between being sad and being depressed.  There’s a big different between having general worries and having anxeity.  I hope to, as I write more, explain or show how this is the case.  I’ll share some of the clinical language, but also the real life reflections on how even I, a person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder, experiences general worries and anxiety, and how different factors can turn a general worry into anxiety whether I want it to or not.

I want this to be a safe space to share.  A place for me to get these thoughts out of my head (because as I dive into at some point the anxiety + adhd combo is the literal worst at times), and writing has become helpful for me over the last few weeks.  It will not be a place of judgement or for people to jump into the comments to tell me to “stop taking meds because they are the real problem” or “you’re a weak or bad person because of this”.  Because, unless you are my therapist, my prescribing provider, or my primary care doc, I’m not really here for your hot takes.

I may, at times, as for suggestions on how to deal with specific things – but let me just say this – hopping into my comments to tell me to just walk more or eat veggies is not helpful.  Because trust me, if either of those things would ease my symptoms, I would be doing them and feeling better.

So this is the start of something new I’m going to try.  I appreciate feedback and questions as I write more.  I want to offer advice or insights when I can to share from my life experiences in the hopes it can help someone else.

I will end with this: anxiety lies.  you are not alone. (and at some point I’ll truly interalize this)

Resources: